lamhein

2011-01-14T09:25:00.000-08:00

Commercial Street

I live in a place which is a bit far from the city. So normally for my day-to day shopping I go to nearby malls or at times a little far away malls. For the past couple of days due to marriage shopping, I started visiting Commercial Street. And God, I was really missing on so many things till now. The place is so full of all kinds of shops and is amazingly good for accessories, handbags and lastly shoes, all kinds of shoes. Its somewhat like Sarojini Nagar, Delhi but at the same time has good brands also. You can go from one street to another and there is always something new to explore. At times it is crowded but I can excuse that for the advantages it offers.

I do recommend this place to all girl friends who visit Bangalore.

2010-03-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

Happiness is when you think about yesterday and a smiles tickles down on your face remembering the moments you experienced yesterday.

Oh yeah, I experienced it.

2010-03-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

If you are not comfortable at something and you just avoid that something by making an excuse so that you are not the part of it......

I wonder how right or wrong it is........

2010-03-01T00:25:00.000-08:00

Ref. – IIT Delhi student Pragati was killed by her boyfriend in Shimla when they went together during mid-term break – This girl was a junior of mine

I was shocked to read it and couldn’t concentrate on anything after this. Somehow her face kept coming back to me.
Was this murder a price that she paid for trusting the wrong guy?
Or was it the price for not having the ability to know someone?
Or was it the price that she was innocent enough to recognize some?
Or was it the price that too soon (m not sure here as to how soon) she went alone with the guy?

I don’t know the answers. Being 20-21 is matured enough. But only when we apply our maturity granted brains in our life.
It ok to be blind in love but only when you know the other person well enough and can trust him/her.

2010-02-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

I am in a business where the action takes place in the very remote locations around the globe. It’s the huge refineries, rigs, drills etc which carry the charm of this business. Sitting here in Bangalore doing technical consultancy is only a support to this business and hence comes the natural urge to go to fields, see the work I am doing in real action.
Anyway that was just a background for what I want to say. I have been in the past 6-7 months asked the question w.r.t. my mobility towards travel. I have always expressed myself as mobile without constraints. And then comes the next question as to what are my marriage plans because definitely that in their opinion will restrict me.

I don’t have any definite answer to the last one. But I do have a dilemma!!
Is it being a female engineer that post marriage life is taken as an obstacle to frequent or long travel?
Or is it being a female engineer in India?
Or does the same questions goes to my male colleagues too?

2010-02-15T02:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I came across something which made me felt a lot bad about a part of my personality of which I was very proud earlier.
And that feeling didn’t went away the other day and ruined my day at work and sleep at night.

Is it right to feel so bad due to just one such bad instance and forget all good which you feel about yourself and the praises that other people offered so often.
Or is it that you are just behaving as a HUMAN.

2010-02-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

Is Technical Career the right thing to do in India?

I remember giving a mock interview for a consulting job to a friend of mine. She at the end bluntly said that every line of yours speaks for a technical or core job and not a consulting one. Yes she was right. My first choice was always a technical job. I was lucky that I got one and probably the highest paid technical job in India. Anyway money was that big an issue but work definitely was. I was glad that I will have a starting career in Oil and Gas Industry and who knows I might stick to it. I gave up going for further studies because I had heard a lot about Shell and wanted to give it a shot.

So what are the points against a technical career in India. First opportunities are few. NOCs don’t pay much and the work culture is not satisfying. You don’t get to exploit your skills to the maximum possible. That’s what I heard from my seniors. When I gave an interview for one of the NOCs they dug too much into technical details and I failed miserably. When I sat for interview with Shell, they just interviewed a project of mine in technical round, something on which I had actually worked rather than just listened to in a lecture. On that project they asked question related to technical, responsibilities, interactions with site, behaviours etc. I was more than impressed and glad to join Shell.

And next, Technical jobs are not always that lucrative as a job in finance, consult or marketing. How many will understand that I work as a Utilities Technologist. I have to struggle to make my parents understand my work. It would have been much easier to relate if I was working for a luxury brand or involved in some work directly related to them.

Next I know many colleagues of mine who joined Shell after graduating from US or Europe. They earn nearly 2-3 times as me or probably even more. Anyway this fact runs round the market in India. We are a talented pool companies can get at lower rates so nothing restricted to technical jobs.

All I know despite all negativities about tech job in India is that I love this. I am comfortable doing it and can take challenges in it. The company I have joined opened its technology centre only 3.5 years ago in India. I feel it has many problems and a lot of unsatisfied graduates. But on the other hand there are vast opportunities to learn and work on, a lot to explore and a great culture. I want to be patient at the moment and see how this new year fulfils those goals of mine and to what extent.

You can be what you deserve, only one has to be proactive in finding the right path leading to it. A senior of mine from X consult. told once that he/she is glad or proud that she/he was part of some great project. I don’t want to say that. I want to be proud if being part of a great project, I made a significant impact or speed up my learning curve.

2010-01-29T07:59:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a friend's marriage and did underwent through some realizations. We had three marriages in our group at work during 2-3 months. I felt an inner wave of nicety when these people gave their wedding invites. The first thing in mind was that how nice my parents would feel when they will go to invite their friends and relatives. At the marriage ceremony also, I didnt felt awkward at all this time. I could see myself there in future.
During my parents' 25th anniversary also I couldn’t stop getting senti on many things be it the ring ceremony we had for them which they never had at their wedding or the varmala once again. I could see the 25 years of their togetherness in their eyes.
So finally my mind has settled now to a large extent. It is not a lifelong commitment or marriage that I dread now. I want it someday for myself also at a time I will fully feel ready for doing it. I don’t want to do it for the sake of doing it but I want to do it in the best possible way at the best time with my complete willingness.
I always remember a phrase from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. that being in love means growing old together and I know now that it is worth every challenge and every fear.

2010-01-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

I have finally started swimming after a long time, nearly 10 years I think. Though I remember few things, I have forgotten most. But I really enjoyed it a lot. It is one exercise which I love to do without getting bored.
Hope the spirit continues.

2010-01-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Mean corporate world!!

One thing which I have realised soon enough. Someone rightly said that it’s a dirty world out there once you decide to earn and live independently. Now I see examples daily. Somehow I have started liking not have too personal friends in the closest working zone of mine mainly my own team. I hate when people use sugar coated words in front of seniors or listen to whatever they say just to get into good terms with them. Where is the saying dudes that your work should speak for you. My whole mood gets pissed off here (this is what I encounetred this morning too).

It’s okay to chat or share drinks but yet I find it difficult not to be myself. If I am with my close friends I am not afraid to let out my thoughts which may be contrary to what she/he was saying. But in office, the same changes. I have to be careful because who knows what one can take personally and bring the grudge in official matters too. That is the one reason why I don’t want to indulge too personally with teammates.

The other thing that comes up is working with different age groups. I really like that but I do face some problems too. You will encounter colleagues of your parents’ age too. There are things that we refrain from in from of family elders. But what about in a work groups of ages between 23-50 or more. I don’t drink in front of my parents (bcoz I know they won’t like that). But what in such a group. I don’t want to face weird looks from elderly persons. Again that’s where I feel even more strongly that lets just be official.

I think it all needs time to adjust and define your behaviour. But no doubts life is not simple anymore.

2010-01-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

A Happy New Year 2010

Another year has ended. Yet there was something different about it. First It was when I graduated as an engineer and second when I started my professional life. So in a way this is my first new year after being a professional. Being in college, I never thought about doing something on new year’s eve. Something used to turn by itself. But now you have to think. Yet this one was special and quiet one with great wine.
Three resolutions are at its peak:
1. Losing my extra fat. I really want to be regular here
2. Learning about my new discipline at work which is completely new for me.
3. Read and write whenever I get time

I hope I fulfil these two to the best.

Life is good when you have things to complete and promises to keep.

2009-12-30T00:28:00.000-08:00

Today there was a farewell in my Team and to present a good luck gift, one of my colleagues invited a youngest person in the team to do the honours. And I was the one. In midst of all this growing up business, it feels superb to be the youngest in a certain group. You feel you still have the life others have lived in their times.

2009-12-29T02:47:00.000-08:00

An important realization after 3 Idiots:

Hostel life can't be comapred to anything and has it's own charm. Gone are teh those days but will always be cherished.

2009-12-29T02:44:00.000-08:00

There was a time few months back when I missed my friends a lot in Bangalore. I used to be occupied with office people and missed taht IIT life.
Well somehow that phase is over and I am in total love with my new life. I am independent and gradually learning to manage my life. From purchasing groceries for home to thinking every new way to make my place better to live, I am living it all. Work is good and challenging at times, very different from the academic scenario at college. The feel that I am gradually growing and turning old in my twenties is at its peak. The heart wants to be young always and full of enthu.
After saadi dill, Bangalore has finally taken my likes. The people are really good here despite language barrier at times. The weather rules here. I remember someone saying that its always cool under a tree in Bangalore is no doubt very true.
Working with people of different age groups, discovering friends in them is something I am doing for the first time in my life.
I keep discovering new ways to live my life so that boredom doesn’t creeps in.
The only thing that freaked me recently was the marriage of 2-3 colleagues of mine of comparable age as myself. But yeah everyone has his/her own perspective to discover their happiness.
One more thing that came in was the hard earned money. I took gifts for my family on recent visits home. The glow in their eyes was unbeatable to anything.
Finally it’s all good and great to live.............

2009-09-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

I missed my college friends a lot today. Living a corporate life thrives its energy from the way you energize yourself on weekends. And for me its doing something different or trying something different. And that's where I miss my friends because here I still dont have that kinda group (except for one creepu bete) comprising of people on whom you can count for meeting up, having some fun, chatting around and so on. I do have friends in office but not what I expected.

I so sincerely wish that soon I am able to find such a group, new one here too. Because its too difficult for me to sit at home on weekends. Or I wish to find some good engagements apart from work where I can divert my mind to.

2009-09-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

One thing that I am increasingly able to appreciate in B'lore is the way food is served here in restaurants. I visited a restaurant named RAKABDAR today for lunch. The ambiance was super and a particular waiter assigned to you takes proper care of you till you leave the place. And they don't look too interfering also at the same time and are very courteous. They will come occasionally to serve food and will serve in proper quantities. It was nice to witness.

2009-09-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

I so hate this feeling when I feel terribly lonely.... When I dont know what I am missing in my life, when I loose my enthusiasm and spirit of life.

The only good part is that I know it is a matter of few moments only.

2009-09-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

I have finally settled into this city, with a new house, flat mates, colleagues, specific job training started and so on. And to admit I have started liking this new life and also the surroundings where it is dwelling. It’s a lot different from college. I am independent in many senses and responsible for my own livelihood and that’s really a big thing. Working for five days and then trying to find ways to have good evenings after work and good weekends occupies a lot of my thoughts these days. The city is good in many ways especially the weather which is amazing. I can take a walk whenever I want during the day and it’s difficult to feel the sweat here. It is a crowded non metro and the traffic is mind blowing. It is different from Delhi but it is not hard to have a satisfying life here. My office is good and has a very open work culture which I like a lot.

Hope to have a lot of interesting memories here. Here I am to live and work Bangalore.

2009-06-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

Hawa ke ek rukh ne zindagi hi badal di

Galti bhi to is dil ki hi thi

Ye ret ke mahal mein zindagi bitaane jo chala tha

2009-05-20T01:13:00.000-07:00

Turning to the 23!!

In one word, its weird. I had my 23rd birthday some days back. I went home for 2 days with my cousins. My going ticket had 22 as my age and the return one had 23. I have lived 23 years of my life and I felt old. This b'day was not as usual ones. I was not very excited or not very expecting. Though my family gave me a surprise celebration at 12 midnight, my brothers me dirty with cake. I knew they were planning all this but then too I gave them the perfect “Oh I am so glad you did that” look :P. The next day I had a lot of home made food by dearest mom, dad gave a small party at night at a traditional rajasthani restaurant. I also witnessed a gazal nite there and had a song dedicated to me by lovable dad. I boarded my train back to delhi at around 2 am after all this. All of people I expected to wish, wished me. So all in all, it was nicer than I expected.

But then too, God I am 23 now. Its just this tag that dreads me and also the attitude of people around me. My parents feel that I am growing up and should be serious about life. They want to know what I am planning next, how long I want to do the job, what after it, after how many years will I marry someone. I have no data to fill in their answers. I am not thinking at all about it. A batch mate and few school friends got married this year, ohh that still freaks me out.

Anyway besides these, I feel more or less the same. I am still the same kid at heart. I still worry about meaningless things. I still love to live in my dreams. I have no whereabouts of future, I am all living in present. I still crave for dark chocolates and other related stuff. I still blindly believe in friendship turning to love and then into a long term companionship. I am focussed to the work I like and dream about making big in life someday. Shopping for clothes, footwear , accessories and hairdos still drive me crazy and never ends. I still can't stay at my home for too long. Database of newer novels is on steep increase, no hold here too. So more or less my faiths and likes are the same what they were 4-5 years back when I actually started framing my thoughts.

SO what it is that dreads me at 23. I guess its only the number and expectations of people around me to do certain things in certain manner for which i really dont feel ready at the moment.

2009-04-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah you all non-dual degree ppl may pity this as yet other irony of mine but it was fun also............During my past four years, I have given a lot of quizzes, some planned , others surprised ones. It used to be fun and normally I rarely cheated but used to show my copy to ones sitting behind or sideways. It all used to be a normal chore and we all used to dreaded by TAs who might catch us. We often pleaded for extra time also. I used to keep track of time, wanting it to pass slow enough to complete the paper.

But today, I was staring at my watch often wanting time to pass as soon as possible. I was on the opposite side and was strolling across the hall and waiting for one hour to be passed. God, it is difficult to kill one hour this way. And then my prof told me to keep an eye on one particular student, sitting straight was difficult for whom. I saw him many times requesting his friends to show their copies. And then at last I caught him speaking to his friend in front. I don't know what happened to me, I went to him, showed a bit of my angry eyes and told him "Mr. I am seeing you since a long time". After that I walked away and could not stop my laughter.

Things change so randomly :P

2009-04-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

swinging between :
What I should do?
and
What I want to do?

2009-03-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

Today I fell into a heated argument with some of my friends over a peculiar issue that I see most often in “Indian Marriage” scenarios in particular. The thing is that in every relation, people often reach a stage where a compromise has to be made if certain common ends are to be realized and most often it is the female partner who is expected to do so. This has been going on since ages. Earlier girls were not independent and use to enter a new world after marriage and a long chain of compromises used to start. They used to do that because there was no other way possible and use to search for a real or fake happiness in this new world only.

But today when I see independent, highly educated girls doing the same, I feel really bad. Suppose a girl is getting married (lets take an arrange marriage here) and that particular girl is in a good job with a good career prospect but in different city or country as compared to her husband. Now who is the one who will leave his/her job, in a large and large majority of cases: my fellow gender will do it. Why? Is marriage a series of compromises for a girl only. Even the same so prominently (though a bit less) happens in love marriages too. Are so deserving and independent girls of today lacking the power to change traditions that are so going against them?

And what is the saddest part of this situation? Most of the girls today also call this only as happiness. I don’t consider them wrong, I in fact admire them that they have so much courage to curb their desires and accept everything new. What is more soothing to our forefathers when girls only are being so submissive? Compromise is not just their duty. Compromises must be shared upon, not just burdened upon females only. And girls of today have the power to get things their way, the way they want to be happy, the way they want to compromise.

I start doubting the institution of marriage when I see this, it really turns me off to be a witness to such marriages.

2009-03-17T05:37:00.000-07:00

One of the interesting things I discovered in my final year (5th year, last semester) was to attend classes of an open category course that is normally done by students in their 2nd year. I couldn’t do it earlier so was doing it now. It’s at times really out of place and weird to be in a class where 98% people are three years junior to you. There talks and behavior involve most of the times those things that have past away in my life 2-3 years back. At other times, there are things of which I have seen so much and so often in past that they now look monotonous or too repetitive.

My fellow 98% start talking about studying a week before the exams or at least start bothering about syllabus etc. Probably they have 5-6 courses and may be 2 exams in a day. They want to be serious. But for me it’s just a course to get my degree out and I just have 2 courses so no botheration about exams too. More importantly there is no enthusiasm left think it about; I just want to clear it.

When politics started in IIT, I heard a group talking about who will become cult (cultural secretary of a hostel) and etc. There was an excitement in their talks as they were experiencing it for the first time. Same happens when they discuss about trophies of their extra curricular clubs and boards. They have a genuineness and curiosity in their mind about the results. They are so excited about various Boards’ nights. But what about me, I just give it a laugh and I feel as a grown up, very grown up for I had seen all this enough in past four years. And at the time missing the times when I have been in their places.

Being in 2nd year, they all try for interns too and I once saw them congratulating a friend of theirs who got an intern in some foreign univ. There talks showed shadows of dreams that were there in their eyes for they all wanted some good place to go as their friend got. Having worked across 2 interns and now placed in midst of a "recession placement", I could only think that how much more they have to see now in iit. And if they are tensed at this, how many more tensions are left in their lives here.

One day I saw a guy in the seat before me trying to talk to one of the girls of my class. He was a bit hesitant to talk. I can make out his face that he kinda liked her, may be a fling sort only. And behind me was a group gossiping about them. At once it all looked so familiar to me. I have seen it in my 1st and 2nd years too, only faces are now different.

Once I pointed a mistake among a sleeping class in one of prof's derivation. He was calling a term as velocity which was actually acceleration and had explained everything on this basis. I was waiting for someone to say something but when no one woke up, I myself told the prof about his mistake. At once many students start discussing it. I felt as if they were kinda shocked as how could I see what they didn’t saw, I felt as a total outsider. Here too I couldn’t stop my smile. They were perhaps under the impression that I had flunked earlier in this course. huhhh.... not done.

Later a guy asked me if this is the second time I am doing this course. I was embarrassed and guessed that most of them definitely had the first impression that I have flunked in this course previously and hence am repeating it.

It’s really weird to see how IITD makes you grow and change. It’s faster than any other noticeable changes in your life. You are a different person when you walk out of this place than when you stepped in here. I have been in the shoes of the rest of my class. But 5 years of stay in this place have made me grow over things that matter the most to them. I don’t think about them the way they do. May be I have been offered a lot more other things to ponder about. Whatever it is, it’s an experience to see what I have left and grown over. These people make my memories all the more alive of the time I have spent here.

2009-03-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

I love you and I am there!

Almost every person in this world has certain dream of a perfect relationship and certain fear of a successful break up. Whenever I look around my self over break ups that were at some point of time good relations, I always find one factor in most of them.

“He/She is perfect for me but at times (or always) is not there for me when I need him/her the most”

Relations make us share a lot of stuff with the person we date. And then that becomes gradual and any change or absence in this thing sets the trigger to rotten a relation.

The reasons for not being there may be many, different career paths, long distance, different work schedules and etc and etc.

This is natural also in the highly career oriented life our generation lives in. Our dear and compatible friends won’t be always around us as at some point or the other our professional and personal priorities become all the more important than our friends. Hence that’s why we start looking towards “Mr. /Miss One” more and more often. We want him/her to be with us when we need him/her. We start wanting that “Mr. / Miss One” to be the first person in our calling list in case of an emergency or a problem. This is the time when the other three words “I am there” become more important than “I love you”.

On one hand we want to be independent today but on other hand we yearn for a trusting dependence on someone. Does that mean that this independence is relative?

2009-02-01T10:43:00.000-08:00

Is this country full of stupid men!!!!

The recent incident of attack against women at a pub in Mangalore is a shocking example of the mentalities of our countrymen. What do these extremists expect from girls? They want to end the western culture; they don’t want women to drink, to go to discs, to roam about hand in hand with guys and so on. Well I just have a pretty one question to all this and a pretty one answer as well. The question says “who they hell are they to tell us what to do in our own country” and the answer is “It’s none of their business what kind of life a girl wants to live”. If a girl wants to enjoy with her friends in a pub, it’s her will. She knows what is right and wrong for her. You can guide kids but not grown ups. Times have changed and we must move forward with it.

If a pub has been opened up within a city, it’s truly with the will of the government of the locality. Then why these extremists create a mess for innocent people. If they want to end it, go and fight with the government.

If a girl today receives the same education as men, works in the same environment as men, then why can’t she live and enjoy her life as men do. Gone are the days when girls didn’t have rights to exercise their free will. What difference will be there between India and Taliban if here also people in the name of culture restrict freedom of girls? Cultural ethics can’t be imposed on a person. If some people don’t feel good about certain western elements coming into our country, they can very well reject them for themselves. But they have no rights to restrict the free will of any other citizen. It’s a democracy where everyone has the right to live freely according to his/her own will.

Times have changed and we must accept it. We live in a democratic and secular state, not in a religious one. People have to learn to respect the freedom of girls. These so called extremists just need an excuse to be in power, create news and spread terror among people. Our leaders have to realize the danger of such activities and take strict action rather then supporting these people for their vote banks.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I am sure these people must be busy training their followers how to create havoc for people who would be willing to celebrate this day.

2009-01-14T02:26:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah !!
my final sem in IITD has arrived. It’s not that I longed for it. I have enjoyed every bit of life at IIT but now all those bits are over.

To start with it, the starting was great with a great job in hand; an awesome vacation at home, full fun time with family; coming back into campus and meeting my great great old friends again, spending all wella time with them and chilling out to the fullest; a much more awaited weekend with my dear boyfriend.

And so all in all, it was going so great. But now, today, everyone gone and all evaporated, stupid time flied so soon leaving me alone in this campus. I am feeling sad and missing so many things in my life. Still I feel lucky for myself that being in a dual degree I still have some peer group friends. But then, those so awesome days have ended. Time is still free but what will I do.

I have many options to kill time, to make it fly fast…….crack my MTP, movies, books, etc and etc. But they all require a thing called enthusiasm which is so lacking. And above the chilly weather here kills every desire to do any useful work. It only imparts godly laziness.

I will do something definitely at sometime but right now the cold winds outside are only advising to take a nap and stop applying my brains. So I am obeying them only and heading towards my cozy bed but I will do something definitely :P

2008-12-19T22:19:00.000-08:00

Dated :- 16th December, 2008

TECHNOLOGY DEVELOPMENT ENGINEER @ SHELL TECHNOLOGY INDIA PRIVATE LIMITED

No words can describe it….. it was destined to happen and a will within made it possible………

2008-06-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

A Thousand splendid suns , an amazing piece of creation leaves you totally spellbound and full of burning emotions. It doesn’t matter if you are not at all related with or witnessed the plot; you can very well identify it and picture it. It is effectual, definitely it is. The following lines keep ringing in my mind again and again

One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs
Or the thousand splendid sun that hide behind her walls

Great work indeed !!

2008-05-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

Pre final and fourth year

One of the most painful experiences of being a dual degree student is that you have to bid farewell to your own batch. I am also a fourth yearite but I cant enjoy like them in this 8th sem, I am not employed like them, my major project has started when their’s has ended, I still have to attend classes when they just come for time pass, I cant party everynite like them . Four years are enough at IIT to cause boredom from repeated schedule and its more terrible when arriving in 4th year , you know that life is still the same, u still have labs, lectures , assignments and all regular IIT stuff. And then suddenly this end comes, the last days of 8th sem , I am and my dulle counterparts are busy like hell and we have no time to realize that something is departing from within us until we are on the edge of the end. Everybody is packing their stuff, running for no dues and completing all final year formalities and we have nothing but to wonder , “ Oh my God, you all are going, you all have graduated and we will be here only”. Life is definitely not gonna be the same because for it’s the same stage but lack of characters , it’s the same play but the end of a beautiful story. To think of it without you all makes me nostalgic , you all may not be here but your shadows will always be around us for this place is the only place I have lived fully and this time is the only time I have been in completely. I love you all my outgoing friends and will miss you like hell. Gud luck for life beyond :) :(

2008-03-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

Relations

Relations( romantic I mean here) is one word which always arouse my feelings towards it, be it the time I see a couple together, or whenever I read or think of it. It’s one of the areas where I want to devote my understanding, my efforts, and my care to make something beautiful. But seeing both good relations and those breaking apart, I am somehow never clear what makes things grow into togetherness and what makes them torn apart. One enters a relation, or calls being with someone a relation when you feel an intimacy towards someone of all forms. We call being in relation with someone when the two care for each other, understand the happiness of each other and feel a sense of completeness which was not there when they were not together. Everyone one of us deep within their hearts wants someone with whom they can share their moments, get a safe comfort feel in their closeness.

A thing that for granted comes with relation is expectation. We want the other person to know what we want; we want him to be present when we are sad or happy. But this expectation can be dangerous at times to each other. It may be practical to say but its true that two persons can never comprehend each other fully. Individuality always exists and one must respect this. There can be times when we want the person to be with us, but he/she may have some prior commitments and may react or be present the way we expected. This definitely has to be mutually understood, even if one fails to, the other must do at least for the sake of companionship which is greater than all fights and misunderstandings. Relations sour most often when this doesn’t happen. Ego has to be placed side by most of the times.

Being together and sharing stuff is good definitely but respect for each other’s space is also important. This should be done carefully keeping intact the honesty towards each other. Even if one of the partners feels that his freedom is getting curtailed, the end is nearby only and can’t be for long avoided.

Love is beautiful, yet complex and not at all taken to be granted if you want something serious and trustworthy in life.

God bless all great lovers!!

2008-01-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

Hey myself…..

A promise to take life as it is
No more snatchings, no more expectations
A heavy heart to take all the pains
A welcome smile for all the pleasure gifts

A realization that nothing lasts forever
A will to enjoy everything at its peak
Because for sure its gonna die some day

A desire to preserve the innocence intact
No urging for maturity
That destroys the nest of the little child within

A little life to live
A still smaller world to live in
But a whole sky to transverse
No- more day dreams
only memories and dare with reality……

2007-12-30T04:12:00.000-08:00

Between the tough placement season going on in IIT and all my dear friends busy with that , I flung to a far part of India, Guwahati to attend a conference meant for the students and by the students. More than just an academic trip, it was much more than that. A chance to interact with different people yet so similar in many respects (afterall all iitians are) and also some senior grads from Germany. The first part was the lecture we were supposed to deliver, mine dealt with blood flow simulation on a cell processor designed by IBM. So it was all interdisciplinary and a very new thing for me and above all beyond my routine acads. The most amazing aspect of this technology that in order to speed up simulations , special cell processor have been derived from playstations employed by youngsters to speed up gaming power( and they have eventually turned out to be more powerful than supercomputers of this age). Hence it was all very interesting and I cracked the lecture. Then comes Guwahati and particularly Assam, a very different state from where I live that is the far eastern part of India. The culture, its ethnicity is all very different and we witnessed all that when we went around visiting two temples. The place that is IIT Guwahati is undoubtedly the most beautiful of all iits. The place has every inch of what is called the scenic beauty. The academy also arranged cruise trips for us which was another thrill to step out from conference rooms and detailed technical discussions. The experience provided us everything from learning ( yeah I mean it :D) to a holiday. Such kind of conference is the first of it’s kind where students that is young undergrads deliver lectures and profs listen. The people i.e. mainly the co-iitians of host iit were amazing( hats off the hospitality we received). Above all went good and ended good.

2007-11-17T02:31:00.000-08:00

On a bright sunny day I started staring on the ground where the sunshine was spreading its glitter. I continued staring at that serene glow, so bright yet so soothing; an amazing peace was there, something I wanted for a while since so many days. Life is really amazing, brings its treasures in forms you can’t even imagine sometimes.

2007-11-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

A tryst with the self

The road of life stands in front
Stands long, sometimes dark, at other times bright

I am all by myself, walking on it
The people I have, around me a lot

Some who love me, care for me
Some who want to get rid of me

Some whom I love, and smile due to them
Some whom I have lost, and regret at life due to them

But at the bottom line it’s definitely a lonely road
I have seen heights of friendship, love, pain, hatred

Past is now both sour and beautiful
Present is where I am and future is a struggle

My heart cries, aches, longs for things that I have lost
But my mind is struggling to get rid of the things that have ceased to exist

I was blessed to have to have all I possess today and also what I have left over
A belief is more firm today than it was ever

That whatever happens ,happens for some good and due to all we deserve.

2007-10-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

Recently I read the book “Who moved my cheese?”. An overall nice book with an amazing effort to touch the most complex side of life with an amazing simplicity………the ability to see changes, to deal with them , to adapt to them and to move in life seeing them occurring. Changes occur in everybody’s life and they are bound to occur else we might become extinct if life was always to be the same routine, monotonic. We have to learn to welcome any change with a smile if it is beautiful and with courage to face it if it comes with a sour note. We become aware of our hidden perspectives only when something occurs against our will. One must move ahead keeping his/her basic values and ethics intact. It’s always better to adapt rather than just quitting everything if it goes on a wrong track. Every change can be turned to a smile, depends on only how we face it.

2007-09-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

Come ,what may!!

I have changed and I am changing
And all this being recieved by my self with a welcome smile

Watever happens , happens for some gud
And I want that watever only be it gud or bad but it should for a gud

My faiths and beliefs hav changed but but they hav not died
And are still holding me in their tight arms

My dreams are changing and a hope in them has increased
A realization that happiness is in today is in a great realization today

A trust in things I love is stil the basis of my being

Whatever pain I recieve is what all I deserve
And in the midst of this pain my past has a lot to turn tears to smiles

I feel bounded to things that I don't even have today
And things that I boast of leaving are still within me

it's all a new scenario........a totally new one
but than nothing is stagnant for all
so a new one is bound to happen......

"Forever" is a mere fairy tale.....

2007-09-02T11:54:00.000-07:00

If life can’t be as promising as you dreamt it to be, accept it then too and try to be happy the way life wants you to be after all happiness is not a thing to be snatched at any cost.
Tomorrow may be worse than today after all who has seen it.

2007-08-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

In the silence of the beautiful night,
I slept carefree in wondrous delight,
In the morning of the summer spring,
I could hear my placid heart sing,
In the midst of the engaging day,
I smelled the happiness right away,
Watchin the charm of quiet twilight,
I saw the colors of joy so bright,
And then as the tired sun dropped dead,
I felt the comfort from toe to head,
Up again rose the starry night,
I sensed happiness hold me tight,
and all the while from dusk to dawn,
and then to dusk and on and on,
I nibbled the joy that life delivers,
for comes the warmth, come shall the shivers.

2007-08-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

A Wait

Unsaid words wait for a depth to fill
Unshed tears wait for a tide and a sea to mingle
Unshared emotions wait for a mirror to reflect

Less traveled paths wait for souls to walk again
Memories unforgettable wait for moments to become alive again
A Boulevard of broken dreams waits for hands to make a home again.

2007-08-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

Changed times

Arrival of new freshers in hostel has always been a welcome thing to look after. But things have changed because administration at IIT Delhi doesn’t want to continue trends now because they think that the so-called interaction( don’t mistaken with ragging) harasses them , don’t let them study , spoil their grades. As if we are stupid enough to waste our time to come and interact with them when there are lot many better things to do in life. Today evening only, I was just asking the name of my dept batch mates from a fresher who are supposedly her fourth year seniors and I asked her to go and look on the notice board and learn the names. And to my wonder , some 2^nd yearites told me that she is crying near the notice board. I was shocked and felt a little sad for her that she might be nervous and took her out with me for ice-cream. But she was quite opposite to what I thought and gave me some good back answers also when I was trying to explain her how to cope with the system here. But I chilled her out and brought her back .And as I stepped in the hostel , proc team was already there scolding my friends that we were taking intros by making the freshers stand and this is harassment………what bullshit was this. This is what we get being in 4^th yr. We brought chocolates for these so nice juniors of ours to make them feel some affinity towards us and all we get is amazing blow of back answers and not even a little respect. This is what the system wants ,to turn them into complete strangers in a place where we live like siblings. We didn’t want to stake our degrees and so listened calmly to the proc team and she said what not to us. Who is she to scold us like this when we bear so much of the profs at IIT Delhi including abusive languages. All was enough for a day and we decided not to come back to interact with this kind of atmosphere. Things have changed a lot and this transition period will definitely be difficult to cope up with.

2007-07-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Finally back to my life, after spending two months on a hectic intern( a nice one though) and some time at home , I am back to IIT. Apna dilli rocks any day as compared to any city I have seen so far. I missed this place so much, met all my close friends, went to subway ,mejbaan , Nescafe ,hanged out at windt, did a lot of arbit masti in hostel , met freshers and juniors…….quite a lot for a single day n all rocks. Life truly lies here and I am really happy to be back though days ahead look a little monotonous being still in pre-final year but anyway this is the best life could offer at present !! :)

2007-07-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

My mom had a very good friend since a long time. She died a year back due to blood cancer. She always had a particular affection towards me , may be because she didn’t had a girl child of her own. She used to bring gifts for me on my birthdays or when ever I used to get good marks. Today mom handed over to me an envelope with some cash in it and said that her husband visited mom dad on the day of my birthday(2 months back, when I was not at home) and asked to deliver them it to me so that I can buy myself a present of my like. Things rolled back in front of my eyes. She died a death with last years full of agony and pain. Every moment took life from her. And her own children stopped taking sufficient care of her when doctors told that she may not live for long now. She always sacrificed her own happiness for the sake of a better future of her children. Only uncle was with her, for him she was life and hope for life. And today he stands alone with her love still alive ,he doesn’t like to live with his sons because of the indifferent attitude they showed towards their parents when they needed them the most. Aunty was a great person , great at heart which was one reason I used to like her a lot. I feel sad for both of them because both could not live life the way they wanted.

Life is like that only. We should never sacrifice little joys and small moments that life keeps offering in the midst of tensions of future, after all who has seen future, so that whenever an end comes , we can at least depart life with contentment of having lived fully whatever it could offer.

2007-07-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

Could or would have beens!!

How it would have been if we could have known in advance that to what level of continuum a particular phase in life would lead to so that relative magnitude of importance attached to it could also have been weighted and similarly weighted would have been it’s consequence??

2007-07-09T00:44:00.000-07:00

Just got up after having a good sleep on Saturday morning to compensate for less than normal sleep during the weekdays, I opened my mailbox and saw a mail form North Western University about their new research and it was shocking. They, after a 3 yr long research, find out that sleep cannot be compensated or covered up by sleeping more on a particular day. Thus if we are toiling for 5 weekdays with 3-4 hrs sleep per day with a hope that there is a weekend ahead ,we are definitely living in a make believe world. Scientists there also said that the power nap of half an hour or so that we are normally so fond does not add anyway to our efficiency. A normal sleeping schedule is a must and nothing can replace for it, if we are playing with it, we are definitely sending an invite to hell lot of cardiovascular diseases. I can find myself comparing and contrasting the words of my Grandma ,”Mere bachche ,jab tak dhang se neend nhi poori karoge, koi kaam kaise dhang se poora karoge” and the night out schedule that I and most of the people of my genre live upon. Is the American schedule of toiling endlessly for four and a half days a week and a longer weekend better or the Indian one of working for six days a week ?

2007-07-06T01:04:00.001-07:00

As if I care

This one line always fascinates me a lot , and I feel like running towards it to incorporate it in my life. I sometimes feel a strong urge to say

“As if I care, as if I ever cared, as if I will ever”,

or leaving the past tense ,

”As if I care, as if I will ever”.

But the real struggle comes when I have to find such a thing. It’s amazingly difficult for me to trace out a single thing which can fit in these three or two lines with honesty at 100%.When things cross a level of frustration in my life, my mind drifts to these lines, and I start trying my hands again. Believe me feeling such or trying to feel the lack of care attitude is amazing. If you are down , it can control your tears , at least for some time I can assure because for me it does . But sadly till date it has been momentarily only, I try and set myself aloof from situation I want to ,accept it as it is and experience a lot comfort by not giving any damn to it. But all this kinda feeling melts after sometime. I again start thinking about making things better, searching for a little hope to correct all wrong. I again start thinking about life around me, about everything be it from things close to me to all crap also.

I am not keeping well since past few days and yesterday only being too down with fever I was just lying down in my bed and didn’t even wanted to look at the phone and I did that for few hours. And again this careless attitude was enchanting but alas as always it was again in it’s time domain only. After some time I received a call from a close friend of mine, chatted and cracked all kind of funny jokes with him and I started feeling better, that crazy fantasy of ignoring things flew away, after that I talked on phone with others also even though my head was heavy with dozes of sleepy medicines. I feel lucky to have people who understand me a lot and sad for people who might have been the same (be it in a very small measure only) had things didn’t happened the way the happened. I again start trying my crazy ignoring tricks on the treasures I have lost but even there too it doesn’t work for long.
“There are some footsteps which can never be blown away by the wind ,no matter how strong it is.”
And my road is filled with them. They can get faded but that can’t be called ignorance.
It’s not the evil spirit of me that you might be thinking of, it’s just something that drive my nerves, after all trying new things always gives a new taste. What say!!

2007-07-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

The Ultimate Truth

Life is really lived in small moments only

so live life at it's full and enjoy till it lasts :)!!

2007-07-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

It’s raining cats and dogs here and despite being prone to cold I am loving it. A sweet little friend of mine comes out again and again from her dwelling these days ,holds my hand and requests me to play with her in these lovely showers which to me look as serene and as pure as she is. I enjoy my walk from home to office and back and I can feel my feet getting slower and slower as my place arrives. I can feel her struggling with my hands forcing me to turn back. I love the chilly wind blowing all the time and the shivering sensation it arouses within me. For a moment I want to shout at the motor drivers who splash water on the people walking but she stops me and I can see her enjoying that too. She advises me to stand and stare around, trees, flowers, leaves all look amazing, all wet and covered with a sheet of beauty. I enjoy her company a lot. Who wants to grow anyway, I wish I can be of her age so that I can enjoy in full flow with her, be what she wants me to be, share the same carefree attitude that she bears. I love her a lot because she is simple ,pure and innocent at heart.

This is the little child within me and she dwells within me. She exposes the little joys of life which I hid under the cover of age, shows how incomplete my life is without her. She explains me that life is always beautiful ,it’s only how we see it’s reveals to me the simple thoughts which are equally important and so adorable while living in the complexity all around. God bless my sweet little friend :).

2007-06-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

The silly mind and the innocent self

This silly mind,
It makes us long and long endlessly
It achieves and makes us the happiest

But then it again starts to play
It again makes the poor us its prey
It makes us loose what we always wanted to hold
It makes us find faults in what we have
It makes us feel right for loosing it

But it kills our happiness and contentment
It makes us hate our selves
It makes us all aloof from all smiles

Then it again plays the dice
It starts taking pity on us
It makes us accidentally stand in front of what we lost
It gives us the feeling of having it again
And the innocent us again believe it
Because to the poor us nothing looks more important
Than the joy of having it again
It makes us forget all that happened for a while

But this hidden game of mind gets exposed
And the victims are again the poor us
Though not by the mind this time
But by the possession with which we were playing
Which can’t stand our game anymore
And snatches itself away from us
And we have no right to question anything now
We are left alone with our silly mind

It is again influencing me and I am getting influenced
Though I don’t want to be a victim anymore
Now I want it to be a prey in my hands, in the hands of my self
I want my smiles to challenge it
I want to yell and tell it that I am not weak
I don’t want my innocent self to be a looser to it again
I don’t want the fear of falling again in front of it
I want to fight with it for snatching a lot from me…..

2007-06-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

That is wat they call research.......re-re-re-re.....search!!

N am stuck in it!!

2007-06-25T01:28:00.001-07:00

Recently watched the movie "Life in a metro", over and all can be called a good movie if one sees the different aspects of relations it shows with love ,truth, loyalty,trust on one hand and emptiness, meaningless existence on the other. Music is good to last for quite some long time.One of the lines from the movie,
"Rishtey to nhi, rishton ki parchaaiyaan milli, ye kaisi bheed hai bas yahan tanhaayeaan milli......"

2007-06-23T01:01:00.000-07:00

All that the last five months left me with

If I compare the self of me in the last five months, differences are striking. Five months back (after my majors) everything left me numb, empty from inside(though the reason was not clear to me nor did I had time to think over it). I was alone because there was no one near me I wanted to be with. My best friend was not talking to me ,his not being there was not letting me peace, the other best friend of mine was too near to my heart or I am more near to her heart because I can never be the friend to her what she is for me but she was away from me with miles of distance taking toil. The third one was there but some how I wanted to be alone in my emptiness, I wanted no one to influence it neither I wanted anybody to be influenced by it. May be it was the too hectic schedule that left me like this or whatever but I was not tired. I was feeling emotions dying within me .I was too well preserved in this small world of mine that “these three” gave me and didn’t even wanted to think of anybody stepping in my so-called circle. This was not self centeredness but a quest with my own self. I can never trace moments when a ‘company loving creature’ became like this.
But the irony was already ready, things don’t last forever, yeah it’s true. The coming five months were to witness a breakthrough shattering of this time.
My so-called little world witnessed the entrance of a new life and I permitted it and got attracted towards a change after repelling it like anything. I started living in this new phase and slowly and eventually I started loving my changed little innocent world. It was the centre of all happiness for me. There were downfalls and clashes here too but I preserved everything, because all this became the love of my life and I was ready to do anything for it’s members. One or the other pillars of my world kept shaking but I was always there guarding and protecting it. I have never been more grateful to my life .It gave me life and my smiles again.
But yet again the other irony was also ready. Those five months are by far over now and I am experiencing yet another moment way too different from the starting one with immense ability to be differentiated very well with the above mentioned ,the emptiness of my self has been replaced by a heaviness, it is way too heavy to bear. I want to be in my world and it is there with me(though it won’t be the same in time to come, I suppose), too and too near despite the toil of distance. I don’t want to be alone, I want my heaviness to be influenced ( but again it should not influence them).
I have committed mistakes, I have made a game of the innocent sense of my feelings, I am suffering and I want to because that’s the only way out of it. I never expected that but I have done it. I have a strong intuition that my world will change because of me, I will loose the most cherished and loved part of it and I have lost all rights to hold it. It is like a terrifying dream and I am living it now.
I have been trying all possible ways to lighten my heart with ultimately reaching the zenith of my thought which says ‘’ whatever it is ,accept it’’ abbreviated as ‘’jjt’’(jo hai,jaisa hai,theek hai) taught to me by one the pillars of my world. It is helping ,how much ,is a bit difficult to judge ,but yes it helps.

2007-06-18T02:41:00.000-07:00

I always keep mum when my friends boast about their dad,

because I know they are fighting to decide the second best!!

2007-06-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

High on :)

My mood is in an extraordinary state of happiness today
Extraordinary , because I am feeling it after quite a long time

I can see reflection of my smile and my happiness all around me
Be it in the pleasant showers hitting me
Be it in the little drops of water on leaves
Be it in the faces all around me

I don’t know the reason and I don't even want to give it a damm right now
Because I am loving it like hell ,that’s the only thing I know right now

I am high on life or to be more precise life is high on me
I can feel a little fear also springing up because all this is definitely momentary
Whatever it is, I wanna enjoy it till it lasts :)

2007-06-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

Beetein Lamhein
Dard mein bhi ye lab muskuraa jaate hain
Beetein lamhein humein jab bhi yaad aate hain
Chand lamhon ke vaaste hi sahi
Muskura kar mili thi mujhe zindagi

Tere kaandhe pe sar ko jhukaana mera
Teri baahon mein khud ko chupana mera
Aake teri panaahon mein shaamon sehar
Kaanch ki tarah wo toot jaana mera

Aaj bhi jab vo pal mujhko yaad aate hain
Dil se saare gamon ko bhula jaate hain
Dard mein bhi ye lab muskuraa jaate hain
Beetein lamhein humein jab bhi yaad aate hain

2007-06-15T04:43:00.000-07:00

Good Morning :)

2007-06-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening witnessed a pleasant rainfall after a long time
I enjoyed my long and lonely walk
Everything looked as if made for me
Because this rain intermingled and hid the other
The one which didn’t come from the clouds.

2007-06-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

A DREAM HOLIDAY :)

2007-06-11T04:13:00.001-07:00

I often wonder whenever I hear the words
"love is everlasting."
"Two couples ready to die for each other."
"Thousands of promises made for the coming years"
“Their company and being with each other was something pre-decided."
"It’s all a question of finding who has being made for you."
"They will be together forever."
"Love grows each moment."

I know this is all genuine, no offence indeed to these feelings, even I appreciate it all whenever there is a thing called TRUTH n TRUST in a relation.

But deep down within my heart a thought always springs up…………Isn’t all this a mere question of whom you met first in life, sequence of events shaped up and you are together today with a faith that this togetherness will be everlasting. A different someone, a different sequence, a different stage would have been there if the first one would not have occurred or will be there if the so-called "the first" shatters. Who after all has seen the future or what it may have in store which we didn’t even think of because all has once occurred and looks PERFECT.

Is it all really perfection or sheer luck of life at the first incidence that took place.

I also believe that love is beautiful, true, calm, pure but than what about these thoughts.

One can never deny the fact that all will be there till the course of even don’t take a reverse turn, a single instant (on part of anyone of the two) can blow away everything, then where is the thing called LOVE(the ever growing one), a long association, how could it be everlasting if everything goes in vain in front of this "single instant".

2007-06-07T05:25:00.000-07:00

Is this me!!!!!!!

At one point I am dying for my close friends
I am dying for the 3 of us effect
At other point I want to run away from them
At one point I am afraid, terrified of being alone
At other point I am not even liking anybody even sitting in my eye’s vicinity
At one point I want to be in the arms of my Mom
At other point I don’t even want to pick up the phone
At one point I want to talk for hours with my best friend
At other point I just feel like throwing the phone down
At one point I want I am happy of dreaming about future , making plans
At other point it all looks so vague, as if it can never occur
At one point I feel as if I am the happiest person on Earth
At other point I am down to the bottom
At one point some of my thoughts, my feelings are the most close to my heart
At other point I want to set them loose
Why Why is this so??
And these points are not mere points ,they are instants one closely approaching the other
I want an answer
But wen?
But where?
But how?
By whom?
I simply don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this me or is this the call for a change!?

2007-05-28T01:17:00.001-07:00

Now finally time to compose some stuff about the place of my 3^rd year internship (NCL,pune).I am sitting in my lab and it’s lunch time going on. Here I must mention that it’s not my sincerity that is making me stick to my office but the pathetic lunch that is offered here.We finish it in 15minutes and then rush to our AC offices.The work that has been offered is pretty good ,of my liking at least. It involves sitting all day in front of computer and modeling and simulating reactors. The project has now started.

The campus at NCL is beautiful with lot of greenery around. My guide is also a real nice person with with enthu at 100% be it work or arbit baikat and a real helping person also.

I stay near this campus only in a 1 room flat and share it with 2 other people.It’s fun to be living on your own and managing everything though at times it is repulsive also ,for eg when you want to have some leisure time but you cant do that because you have to wash clothes (oh I hate that so much) or go to market place to get stuff for home but in all it’s good. I wish some of best pals were also here.

About Pune, though I have not seen most of it but it is a quiet place as compared to Delhi, the weather especially is pretty good, no skin burning heat strokes to my delight.But the traffic sense of people here makes me scream.

Weekends till date have been good , with one at my friend’s sister’s place and the next in Bombay with my cousin and friends.

One thing I like about these days that time during working days really flies fast. And that’s good also to keep me occupied.

That’s all what I have seen till date over here…..lets see what days to come have in store for me.

2007-05-21T03:16:00.000-07:00

I saw light glowing from a point

And I lived it and I loved it

But this light was not the mark of a morning

It diminished and went off

And I could not stop it

I could not do anything

Now all that is left is the point itself

And a hope that there will be light again

And now I am living in that hope and I am loving it

2007-03-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

A moment of happiness
A cherished smile
I was yearning for
I was searching for
It came in a form ,I never anticipated
And the lost glow was there all again.
I don’t why it is there or the reason for it
May because I want it and it knows this now. :)

2007-03-13T23:53:00.000-07:00

The movie “LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL”
“ There are some people in your life ,you really can’t live without and one should never loose them at any cost .Coincidences can sometimes really make life beautiful“

2007-03-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

One more BHM Nite, but yet the most different of it’s kind. Again the same enthusiasm ,same cheering of the hostels after getting the trophy. But yeah different for me as this time one of the trophies had my decision linked with it , the BSW trophy. This nite in some sense marked the official end of a term of responsibilities, decision making , management of a thing called post . What has not ended is the association linked with and the sense of responsibility towards it and can never end also at least not so soon.

I am at this point of time only wondering at the hue and cry I faced from so many people in the last one month and the way I handled it. Everybody needed my explanation on even petty things which literally psyched me so much but then I soon realized that this was also a part of my responsibility , from that moment I developed a sense of appreciation for views expressed both in favor of my working policies and also those that were against them. A strong impulse rose within me to go into the depth of each criticism and appreciation, may be I was searching for the level of my perfection. This was the second most critical period I faced during my term.

The first was the starting month when I started with my work, it was critical because everything was new to me be it the extent , the nature or the environment. I started from the root level of each thing and tried to develop a command. And I really enjoyed after that, all of this became a part and parcel of my life, an integral one.

Life really reverses and in a real magnificent manner. The same one month reversed back in the end . The first one demanded learning of management and the final one demanded an explanation of the same. I felt the same kind of frustration ,tensions and eagerness to prove myself, whether I did or not is for others to decide. But what I see today is that I have changed a lot in many cases for the better and in many cases for not so much better, may be some of these changes are temporary and will cease soon. I have left many things behind and really want to regain at least some of them.

But then as I always say ,this is life and it can''t be the same forever.

2007-02-23T09:51:00.000-08:00

Moments when you had tears and no one else
And then moments when even they leave you apart
Is it the beginning of a solution
Or an end of the problem at all!!

2007-02-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

Crossroad!!!!

Standing on the crossroad of my life
Staring at the four directions there

The way back is what I have already lived
A little better and a little not so better than the present
But I know I can’t go back again even if I want to
And I don’t even want to
But that is all what I have

The way on my left is what I have already left by choice
The reasons for leaving it are not clear to me or
Because my limits can’t be extended there

The way on my right does not seem right to me
And something within me stops my steps

The way ahead is all that is ahead of me
And that is where I want to go
But I don’t know how
The destination and it’s way is a mere dream
But that is all I want to love and cherish…….

2006-12-23T08:25:00.001-08:00

People say that love brings the most remarkable changes in a person's life, With my best friends getting committed,I am witnessing many such changes(initial stage changes) in them ,some strange,some cute, some with the innocence of a child, some stupid also........some of these which I noted most prominently are:

1.) Those people who used to get hyper on petty things and were ready to get pissed off if you tease them, every now and then ,now get senti most of the time on the same.

2.) All time blushing is the most significant sign ,and what is more interesting is the cute smile (:)) on any damm thing even if the thing is worth smile or not. Even while sitting idly or engaged in some work(as it appears so :P),they can be seen smiling not responding to anything for a while.

3.) Smiling even after crying or after getting emotional and sometimes both at the sametime. It appears to be true that
"Pyaar mein to khud ke aansoon bhi meethe lagte hain".

4.) Reading each line of chat, sms or cards hundred times whenever free and this has its peak frequency during the initial stages. I think that is what is reffered to as
"Holding Moments forever".

5.) Taking excess care of one's appearances ,standing in front of the mirror for hours, getting upset even if a single person passes a negative comment about one's looks ,then spending hours again for changing.

6.) Getting lost in their own dreamworld very often, unaware of what is going around. The world of fantasy appears to be more real than the reality itself.

7.) Those who are not committed look like kids to them ;"Leave it, you won't understand"; as if they have attained all the maturities of their lives by now :P.

8.) Talking on the phone (not to mention to whom) in almost a mute volume........ I wonder how the other is hearing or may be
"love needs no voice,it can feel the heart" :P

9.) Won't allow you to read even a single line of their chats or msgs even if their is nothing so personal in them or if it is allowed also, a continuous blushing will definitely be there :) .

10.) Tolerance power increases to the peak even for things which use to sound boring or non-interesting earlier.

2006-12-04T00:03:00.000-08:00

Kaisa sittam hai,

Pagal ye mann hai,

Marr jane ko bol raha!!

2006-12-03T23:27:00.002-08:00

Here my one more sem has ended but this ending is unique and of a different sort.Though it is
true that each sem is obviously different from the previous one but there is something strange impelled in it. I don't know the reason for this feeling nor i know the consequences of it. But yeah one thing is very sure ''I AM NOT AT EASE''.

I am not happy even though the fact that my majors have actually ended, though previously I was thinking that I will be the same normal self once the sem gets over and I can relax for a few days in December at home.May be it is the lot of stress in terms of respnsibilities and acads that has left me so numb in the end.Though my die-hard enthu level for certain things is still the same for the next sem. But then too ''I AM NOT AT EASE''.
A very close friend of mine advised me to go and freak out with friends, I tried too but now of all things I am detesting the company of friends also. I just want to be in my room(though being alone is something very difficult for me).I really don't know what my mind wants of me, what does it want me to do,or why the hell it doesnt answer that why "I AM NOT AT EASE".
I am having an instictive feeling that I am forgetting something that was so close to me at some point of time. I am feeling hungry but I don't want to eat any thing or go anywhere to have something.All this is really strange for me ,one who always wants to live life to the fullest at each point of time. I seriously don't know what has made me so still and motionless for any kind of thought.
But yeah I (as always) here too believe that it is yet another passing phase which will get over after a while, I dont know what it will add to my life or take away from it.May its just a change what I am desiring of or may be the outcome of a hectic sem or one which definitely had something different.
For my friends ,don't worry,I hope I will be the same after sometime.

2006-07-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

Positivity of Negativity

The title of this post may look arbit but its an important realization I am facing at the moment.Sitting far away from my home and my second home,at this moment I am missing both these a lot.I am missing my Mom a lott and I am dying for those stretched arms,a heart full of love ,the purest creation in this world.I am missing my home and everybody there.I am also missing IIT and my second home i.e. Kailash Hostel.A place for which my affection has grown so much in the past two years that I proudly call it my second home.I am missing all of my friends.IIT,a place that has shaped my personality,its my small world of happiness where I live my life the way I want, my gateway to the outside world but at the sametime so protective from it.My old friends say that I have changed so much and adapted so fast to a new system but I always reply that I never did anything ,IIT made me adapt to itself and now I am addicted to this system to the extent that I miss it even in my home during the long breaks,to mom dad it sounds strange,they are not able to digest that why do I miss my college when I am having all comforts at home and afterall I have come for my holidays.At the same time, if I am not able to visit home for long,I miss it too equally.Or if I m not happy or facing some problem,the nostalgic longing for my family is at once there,even before I look for a solution or a remedy.My home with all its affection prepared me for the challenges ahead and IIT is teaching me the ways to face these challenges .Each semester adds a chapter to my maturity.
And this is the positivity of negativity.......being sad at the moment and a heart full of longing for both these worlds of mine,atleast I am able to realize their so separate but equally important value in the treasure of my life.I know my association for IIT is short lived but a place in my life will always be reserved for this so-called addicted place.And as far as this state of mind is concerned ,i'll overcome in a short time.Its just a passing phase which keeps coming,being out of home for 4 years have taught me this very well.

2006-07-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Uchaalna(Oh i miss this so much)

1st person:-Hey wats up??
2nd person:-Well in my case ,....right now ceiling with tubelights!!

2006-07-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

About the story below.....

This story came to me as a forward n to tell u my attitude towards forwards is to generally deleting them after having a look.But this one caught me and I was not able to delete it.I was actually moved by the story.A tear rolled my eye after reading its ending.This may not look nothin extraordinary to you but I dont know why it left me thinking for a long time.I dont know whether its a real life incident or not(it doesnt matter also).....but I could see the realisation of eternal love and the plight of its end.I dont know whether such so called eternal love exists in today's world or not but one thing I surely have faith in is that we all face this kind of realization at some or the other point of life.But then why it is not seen so alive today,.............after thinking a lot I got the answer....thats mainly because we mix all kinds of feelings with it which includes stuff like lack of understanding,misconceptions,selfishness ,lack of time ,there might be many more.And what we mostly see around us is everybody's self centered life.But we all have that one person(whether the persons exists or not doesnt matter here,atleast to me) deep within our heart and mind that matters all or will matter a lot in times to come.And deep within this feeling is another feeling of doing anything for that ONE.Its a real pity that we are not able to see the most innocent n pure creation in the world.But may be searching and putting even a bit of it into life is all what we call LOVE in LIFE...............

2006-07-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.
Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...
Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company..
You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents.
With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confusedhim, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes rightbeside her...
Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you wa nt them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...he can take some of those back with him...
Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again.........hope you understand.
Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.

2006-07-11T19:21:00.000-07:00

As my new sem will be soon starting I am still remembering the May 9th,you must be wondering that it must be an occasion of special importance,yeah it was special in its own way.It was the day I faced the most terrified exam of my life,my Mass Transfer Major....a two hour paper(thats the scheduled time)and with 1 question of 50 marks and this paper was to my shock carried 50% weightage of the entire sem.Well what was more shaking was that I didnt knew the whereabouts of the problem to even a certain degree to be able to solve it(almost the entire chem dept was in the same plight....leave the 3-5 exceptions) because it was the question which wasn't expected at all,because it takes 3-4 hrs to solve it and the prof also said that programming is the only way to solve it and we took his word and left such kinda even in tuts.But here we forgot the most important thing,he was WALIA,one of the most stud and equally terrifying profs(due to his papers only)of the dept.He twisted the problem suct that it could be solved in the right time,you just know the method but that was the most ignorant thing in my mind.I was actually laughing on my plight,all the sincerity my parents boasted of me was looking just in vain.I did all I could do to solve it but I knew I was not even near the solution.I was sweating not due to heat of May but due to nervousness.I was terrified of my grade in the most important core of the dept.I submitted the paper and came out.Whatever I wrote was enough to flunk me or atleast a D grade was sure.I was not at ease.It was the last major and I was much more excited about majors getting over before this one.I couldnt sleep,couldnt rest at peace.I remember when I told Mom about it,she just asked was it an esaay type question n i said "no mom,it was a chemical numerical based on a single method taught very well". But then all my worries swept away when inspite of spoiling my 50% marks I got a 80%grading,i think he didnt took the majors into account or whatever.Even now I was laughing at the TEST WALIA put us into.His shocking surprises was only heard of but now I practically realised.I still very well remember the most shocking test of my life,my heartbeats ,n my dumb mind.

2006-07-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Somedays back I went for a drive to Downtown Chicago n I couldnt help myself but kept staring at the multi storey towers in one gaze.They were looking amazing in the night lights.They were spread over quite a large area with mindblowing combination of blinking lights on their sky touching tops.Just then,we were watching them from the other side of lake.The entire world was clearly visble reflecting underneath the water surface too.All was an amazing creation of mankind impelled with technology in its latest phase and at the same time keeping the beauty of nature intact.It all appeared like for a few moments I have reached the sky in the midst of billions of stars......I just want to hold this view forever..........

2006-07-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

Last night ,I went to the lakeside beach with my friends.Itwas all dark and hardly any activity can be sensed of.Theonly thing that can be heard of was the sound of water,it wasvery loud like a roar but I dont know why,but to me itappeared very pleasant.It had a driving force impelled withinit.I started walking on the water and went a bit further inwater.The water was all chilled but I was not feelingcold(here I must mention that I am very sensitive tocold).There was a smooth sensation arising within myself thatwas compelling me to stay there only.There was a calm feelingarising within myself in the midst of the noise of tideswhich just made me thoughtless for sometime.I just didntwanted to go back.I was writing something or the other on thesand and then waiting for the water to clear every inch of itand then I was back doing the same activity again.It was abit difficult to believe that anything can have so much powerto arouse patience to this extent.I didnt wanted to go a fewsteps back where the sand would dry off all water and at thesame time that silent,innocent feeling,everything would justturn into a memory only. But that night I sincerely realised that everything hasits beauty and importance in its place only.The more you stepaway from it ,the more frequently your association with it iswashed away by the tides of time and all is left are justmemories of moments to cherish.But thats the only way tomould one's self into new bonds ,no matter whether the newphases are better or worse but they are necessary if one hasto move ahead.Life is like that only and carries all it'sbeauty and strength in this nature only.......