Finally back to my life, after spending two months on a hectic intern( a nice one though) and some time at home , I am back to IIT. Apna dilli rocks any day as compared to any city I have seen so far. I missed this place so much, met all my close friends, went to subway ,mejbaan , Nescafe ,hanged out at windt, did a lot of arbit masti in hostel , met freshers and juniors…….quite a lot for a single day n all rocks. Life truly lies here and I am really happy to be back though days ahead look a little monotonous being still in pre-final year but anyway this is the best life could offer at present !! :)

My mom had a very good friend since a long time. She died a year back due to blood cancer. She always had a particular affection towards me , may be because she didn’t had a girl child of her own. She used to bring gifts for me on my birthdays or when ever I used to get good marks. Today mom handed over to me an envelope with some cash in it and said that her husband visited mom dad on the day of my birthday(2 months back, when I was not at home) and asked to deliver them it to me so that I can buy myself a present of my like. Things rolled back in front of my eyes. She died a death with last years full of agony and pain. Every moment took life from her. And her own children stopped taking sufficient care of her when doctors told that she may not live for long now. She always sacrificed her own happiness for the sake of a better future of her children. Only uncle was with her, for him she was life and hope for life. And today he stands alone with her love still alive ,he doesn’t like to live with his sons because of the indifferent attitude they showed towards their parents when they needed them the most. Aunty was a great person , great at heart which was one reason I used to like her a lot. I feel sad for both of them because both could not live life the way they wanted.

Life is like that only. We should never sacrifice little joys and small moments that life keeps offering in the midst of tensions of future, after all who has seen future, so that whenever an end comes , we can at least depart life with contentment of having lived fully whatever it could offer.

Could or would have beens!!

How it would have been if we could have known in advance that to what level of continuum a particular phase in life would lead to so that relative magnitude of importance attached to it could also have been weighted and similarly weighted would have been it’s consequence??

Just got up after having a good sleep on Saturday morning to compensate for less than normal sleep during the weekdays, I opened my mailbox and saw a mail form North Western University about their new research and it was shocking. They, after a 3 yr long research, find out that sleep cannot be compensated or covered up by sleeping more on a particular day. Thus if we are toiling for 5 weekdays with 3-4 hrs sleep per day with a hope that there is a weekend ahead ,we are definitely living in a make believe world. Scientists there also said that the power nap of half an hour or so that we are normally so fond does not add anyway to our efficiency. A normal sleeping schedule is a must and nothing can replace for it, if we are playing with it, we are definitely sending an invite to hell lot of cardiovascular diseases. I can find myself comparing and contrasting the words of my Grandma ,”Mere bachche ,jab tak dhang se neend nhi poori karoge, koi kaam kaise dhang se poora karoge” and the night out schedule that I and most of the people of my genre live upon. Is the American schedule of toiling endlessly for four and a half days a week and a longer weekend better or the Indian one of working for six days a week ?

As if I care

This one line always fascinates me a lot , and I feel like running towards it to incorporate it in my life. I sometimes feel a strong urge to say

“As if I care, as if I ever cared, as if I will ever”,

or leaving the past tense ,

”As if I care, as if I will ever”.

But the real struggle comes when I have to find such a thing. It’s amazingly difficult for me to trace out a single thing which can fit in these three or two lines with honesty at 100%.When things cross a level of frustration in my life, my mind drifts to these lines, and I start trying my hands again. Believe me feeling such or trying to feel the lack of care attitude is amazing. If you are down , it can control your tears , at least for some time I can assure because for me it does . But sadly till date it has been momentarily only, I try and set myself aloof from situation I want to ,accept it as it is and experience a lot comfort by not giving any damn to it. But all this kinda feeling melts after sometime. I again start thinking about making things better, searching for a little hope to correct all wrong. I again start thinking about life around me, about everything be it from things close to me to all crap also.

I am not keeping well since past few days and yesterday only being too down with fever I was just lying down in my bed and didn’t even wanted to look at the phone and I did that for few hours. And again this careless attitude was enchanting but alas as always it was again in it’s time domain only. After some time I received a call from a close friend of mine, chatted and cracked all kind of funny jokes with him and I started feeling better, that crazy fantasy of ignoring things flew away, after that I talked on phone with others also even though my head was heavy with dozes of sleepy medicines. I feel lucky to have people who understand me a lot and sad for people who might have been the same (be it in a very small measure only) had things didn’t happened the way the happened. I again start trying my crazy ignoring tricks on the treasures I have lost but even there too it doesn’t work for long.
“There are some footsteps which can never be blown away by the wind ,no matter how strong it is.”
And my road is filled with them. They can get faded but that can’t be called ignorance.
It’s not the evil spirit of me that you might be thinking of, it’s just something that drive my nerves, after all trying new things always gives a new taste. What say!!

The Ultimate Truth

Life is really lived in small moments only

so live life at it's full and enjoy till it lasts :)!!

It’s raining cats and dogs here and despite being prone to cold I am loving it. A sweet little friend of mine comes out again and again from her dwelling these days ,holds my hand and requests me to play with her in these lovely showers which to me look as serene and as pure as she is. I enjoy my walk from home to office and back and I can feel my feet getting slower and slower as my place arrives. I can feel her struggling with my hands forcing me to turn back. I love the chilly wind blowing all the time and the shivering sensation it arouses within me. For a moment I want to shout at the motor drivers who splash water on the people walking but she stops me and I can see her enjoying that too. She advises me to stand and stare around, trees, flowers, leaves all look amazing, all wet and covered with a sheet of beauty. I enjoy her company a lot. Who wants to grow anyway, I wish I can be of her age so that I can enjoy in full flow with her, be what she wants me to be, share the same carefree attitude that she bears. I love her a lot because she is simple ,pure and innocent at heart.

This is the little child within me and she dwells within me. She exposes the little joys of life which I hid under the cover of age, shows how incomplete my life is without her. She explains me that life is always beautiful ,it’s only how we see it’s reveals to me the simple thoughts which are equally important and so adorable while living in the complexity all around. God bless my sweet little friend :).