As if I care

This one line always fascinates me a lot , and I feel like running towards it to incorporate it in my life. I sometimes feel a strong urge to say

“As if I care, as if I ever cared, as if I will ever”,

or leaving the past tense ,

”As if I care, as if I will ever”.

But the real struggle comes when I have to find such a thing. It’s amazingly difficult for me to trace out a single thing which can fit in these three or two lines with honesty at 100%.When things cross a level of frustration in my life, my mind drifts to these lines, and I start trying my hands again. Believe me feeling such or trying to feel the lack of care attitude is amazing. If you are down , it can control your tears , at least for some time I can assure because for me it does . But sadly till date it has been momentarily only, I try and set myself aloof from situation I want to ,accept it as it is and experience a lot comfort by not giving any damn to it. But all this kinda feeling melts after sometime. I again start thinking about making things better, searching for a little hope to correct all wrong. I again start thinking about life around me, about everything be it from things close to me to all crap also.

I am not keeping well since past few days and yesterday only being too down with fever I was just lying down in my bed and didn’t even wanted to look at the phone and I did that for few hours. And again this careless attitude was enchanting but alas as always it was again in it’s time domain only. After some time I received a call from a close friend of mine, chatted and cracked all kind of funny jokes with him and I started feeling better, that crazy fantasy of ignoring things flew away, after that I talked on phone with others also even though my head was heavy with dozes of sleepy medicines. I feel lucky to have people who understand me a lot and sad for people who might have been the same (be it in a very small measure only) had things didn’t happened the way the happened. I again start trying my crazy ignoring tricks on the treasures I have lost but even there too it doesn’t work for long.
“There are some footsteps which can never be blown away by the wind ,no matter how strong it is.”
And my road is filled with them. They can get faded but that can’t be called ignorance.
It’s not the evil spirit of me that you might be thinking of, it’s just something that drive my nerves, after all trying new things always gives a new taste. What say!!